Etiquette Lesson #2 – Movement

Have you ever walked, biked, or driven and noticed some lacking-in-self-awareness human, hum drumming about, smack down the center of the sidewalk, trail, or road? And then, found that same person to be irritated when you breeze past them in a huff? 

Am I the only one on planet Earth who remembers that one moves on the right and passes on the left?  

(At least in America, anyway.) 

More and more I’m seeing vehicles, or the people within them, driving on the left side of the road as though they have been canonized to set the pace for everyone on the highway.  

Who, pray tell, crowned you King of the Road? Was it divinely decided? Did God himself appoint you Pope of all Passersby?   

Somehow, I don’t think this is what happened. Please note: it was literally on your driver’s test. If I have to pass you on the right, it is YOU who is doing something wrong. If someone is riding your tail while you’re in the left lane, it is only YOU who is the problem.  

This sense of entitlement is not simply limited to the road, unfortunately. The same rule applies while walking, unless of course you’re a pedestrian walking on a road (in which case, you walk opposite of traffic so drivers can see you).  

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been walking on the right, as one does, and someone considers to sidle over to the right as though we are playing a game of chicken.  

Sir/ma’am – we are not playing a game here. You are in the wrong.  

If everyone walks on the right and passes on the left, we will never run into one another. It’s science. We should never be playing that game of awkward skittering while everyone tries to determine which direction they should move in. There are rules! RULES, PEOPLE!  

I don’t care if there’s not a single soul in the left lane – why are you absolutely so insane and self-entitled you believe you are the exception? 

I quite vividly remember in 2020, I was walking through an alley downtown and a woman was walking toward me. As one does, I continued to move over to the right so that she could pass me on my left and we could both maintain our spaces on the sidewalk.  

This woman would. Not. Budge. The googly game of chicken ensued, and finally she snarled at me, “You’re not going to win this one, White lady.” 

I laughed so hard. I was not playing some kind of weird racial game of dominance. Instead, I was trying to make sure we didn’t run into each other.  

For whatever reason, it’s become a strange and skittering game of “Wha wha wha what do I do now?”  

MOVE. ON. THE. RIGHT. AND. PASS. ON. THE. LEFT. 

If we all follow this basic AF standard rule of etiquette that has existed since the dawn of time, we will NEVER RUN INTO ONE ANOTHER. 

I’m unsure why this is such a difficult concept to grasp, a rule that has not been generationally passed down, and for God’s sakes: IT’S ON YOUR GODDAMN DRIVER’S TEST.  

FURTHERMORE … 

GENTLEMEN … 

How are you unawares that when walking with a lady, you should walk on the outside of her AKA closest to the street? This is an incredibly old rule that has NOTHING to do with feminism (or lack thereof), but instead, if all males (or people who identify as such) walk closest to the road, and all females (again, same), then there is no awkward dance of “Who Walks Where?”  

Yes, I’m sure it was created via some “Men will be the ones to be hit by a car first” archaic Victorian type of rule; however, if we all agree to keep it going, the discomfort will dissipate, and we’ll all know where to walk and when.  

Stay. On. The. Right. Dummies. And your anxieties about awkwardness can disappear. Just like my respect for you when you don’t understand the basic principles of movement.