Poem No. 33

I carry my grief

Like an unwanted infant.

He’s snuggled against my chest

In survival,

Sucking the life

From my breast,

While I stand motionless,

Unable to feel

Or care

For him.

While the life leaves my eyes,

He cries out,

Sounding an alarm

That I’m desperate

To ignore.

He needs to be fed,

Be bathed,

Be changed.

But

I

Am

Just

So

Tired.

I fight the urge

To suffocate him,

My hand around his tiny mouth,

Knowing the only way to end his life

Is

To let him live

Until he’s ready to go.